Friday, March 5, 2010

Absent mindedness and embarrassment - TMI

The perks of traveling for work are pretty damn awesome, getting pampered and your shit paid for at exotic places, other than the ass of the world, also known as Texas, is quite extraordinary. What's even more extraordinary is when you can get away with some shit in the unconscious level, not due to being drunk but due to being a dork or blonde.

One of the least exotic places work sent me to this week was Dallas and well, nothing much to say about it other than it sucked except for the few hours off in which i indulged in certain bad behavior with a few of my other girl co-workers after hours and in the early hours of the morning, but nothing compromising. That I remember, of course.

And you know, when a girl like myself travels quite often and is busy, very busy being busy (with work, most of the time), the little idle times that we get are very appreciated and taken advantage of to the fullest extent, even if it includes well into the next day.

Also when a girl's alone, things and thoughts tend to wonder off into wonderland and well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

So we carry a BOB or a stiff rubbery friend wherever we go. Not ashamed to say it and you dudes stay away from me from this moment on.

This very interesting item or items, depending on the travel needs and variety you are in the mood for, has a very special place in my luggage, with its own velvet wrapping and shit. Quite expensive and neatly looking, oh and quite imposing, if i say so myself. = )

So the days/nights in which such assistance from this very lovely item in a girl's life is always a welcome relief (muahahahaha)when you are bored or in the mood.

In the mood to rub one out, for those who don't understand.

It all goes well until the very last day, when i'm getting ready to head out to the airport and a friend of mine starts emailing me smack. By smack i mean, graphic smack that stops me on my tracks and I decide to reply with some smack of the same sort.

Now, before any dudes get any idea, i was talking to a female friend of mine, not a dude, and therefore it makes it easier to respond but at the same time, easier to get carried away and miss your plane, or leave your shit behind.

So I figured I had a little extra time for some myself time and decided, well, to just enjoy a few minutes of company from the SRF (Stiff Rubbery Friend).

By the time the dust is settled I rush for a quick shower (the third in the morning) and re-pack my shit, my make up and make sure ALL of my shoes are neatly packed and all accounted for. A girl can live without her dildo but not without her shoes. Just a side note.

So, while I talk more smack back and forth to said friend, she keeps entertaining me and getting me all distracted and bothered (it's been a while for me folks) but I manage to get my shit packed and run out to the airport.

4 hours or so I get home, start unpacking and once I see my shoes in their rightful throne (other than my feet) I am one happy girl and decide to retire for the day (at 4 pm of course). However, aforementioned friend makes mention of SRF and the whole world stops right there and then.


I quickly go and look into every single hidden place on my luggage, purse, gift bag, even inside a few shoes to see, where it is. Mr SRF is MIA and I had the feeling it might have been left behind, somewhere in enemy territory or some shit.

Frantically I look for my beloved device. Look here, look there and my heart is racing, I start panicking as if I had lost my favorite pair of shoes and it hit me, I left the damned thing back at the hotel.


Mentally i retraced my steps back to when I was in the hotel and I left it in the bathroom after giving it a bubble bath and making sure it's all nice and pure and I left it there while I showered, did my make up and ran out the door. I couldn't be more heart broken and embarrassed, actually. Heartbroken because of the obvious, you know, and embarrassed because of the seemingly obvious brain fart.

As i was telling said friend yesterday, one of the reasons i was freaking out was because of the great loss of such item and also the fact that the hotel room is paid for by my company and there have been times when we travel and something happens in the hotel room, anything broken or missing, is reported as an additional page in an amend to the expense report after we get paid for it. Basically, anything that happens in the hotel room that is our responsibility, gets mentioned in there for ALL managers to see.

So I was imagining my manager calling me into her office and say, "so I received your expense report and a note from the hotel came back stating you left a..."

Yeah I don't think so.

After emailing a couple of friends still in the Dallas area, no one was able to help me retrieve said item and well, I gave up and talked to my manager to find out what exactly would be noted in our expense report once it cameback approved. She assured me that only items pertaining to the hotel would need to be accounted or be responsible for but not the extra love items left for the next guest to use on her or himself would be indicated. This last part the boss doesnt know. Yet.

My friend kept trying to console me, especially through facebook, saying "sorry for your loss" and then cracking her ass up, a few other people followed suit making fun of my ass but I sure wasn't laughing.

Ok maybe I was.

But for real, I feel I lost an ovary by leaving it behind. Aside from being an expensive item, it had also a very sentimental value. LOL

Anyhow, that's all for now. I know I haven't blogged in a while and the first thing that comes out of my head is this bullshit post, while embarrassing, it sure makes me want to be more careful.

Good thing our bonuses are coming in by the end of the month. = )


Anonymous said...

I really am sorry for you loss..

LMFAO - Best post EVER!!!!!

PorkStar said...

OMFG dude, you are such a dork!!! lol

Bev said...

Aww, can't believe you left a friend behind!!!

I hope your secret stays with the housekeeping staff.

Mike129 said...

Hahahaha! (This is my first time by, but not the last.)

This is a great blog. I supposed you could have called the hotel and told them you left a very important prosthesis behind in your room. I am sure they'd be happy to ship it back.

Most likely, as Bev notes, you have made the housekeeping staff very happy with your, uh, staff. :)